he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
