at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
