I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
