Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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