dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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