Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
