you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
