I must be too annoying 4 u.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
