i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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