ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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