wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
