Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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