You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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