If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
