My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
