he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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