dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
