oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize