I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
