Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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