So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
