Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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