Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
