i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
