Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
