Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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