New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
