my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
