apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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