i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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