I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
