Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
