The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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