Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
