Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
