margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
