you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
