So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
