dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
