I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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