bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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