u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
