i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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