we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
