You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
