She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize