Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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