just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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