Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize