i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
