Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
