WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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