if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
