You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
