I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
