So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
