She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
