Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
