i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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