apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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