I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
