escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
